(This is the continuation of a post about giving the perfect gift. You can find the previous strategies here and here.)
Strategy
#5: Location, Location, Location
Someone going on a diet would be ill advised to spend a lot of
time in a bakery. Similarly, don’t place
yourself in circumstances where it will be hard to stick to your agreed-upon
guidelines for physical affection. As
may be deduced, living together would place you and your beloved in a state of
tremendous temptation. If you have
resolved to reserve the marital act for marriage, then the first step is to
have separate residences. The added
benefit of this is that it will make living together, as husband and wife, that
much more exciting and beautiful, precisely because it will not be old hat.
But how does the strategy of location apply to a couple that
isn’t living together? Here’s a succinct
recommendation: don’t be alone.
No matter how firm your resolve or how determined you are to follow your
guidelines, when you and your beloved are alone with no one else around, you
are immediately placing yourself in danger.
It’s hard to keep your physical affection only to things that you would do in
front of your parents, when there are no parents (or anyone else for that matter)
in sight.
Chris and I were incredibly blessed in our relationship and
engagement (though we didn’t fully appreciate it at the time). We lived in separate states until we were
married, so when he visited me, he would stay with my family. We were hardly ever alone because there was
always a family member nearby. In fact,
my parents (God bless them) were very conscious about making sure there was someone nearby.
While we desired to have time, just the two of us, it was so
fortunate we didn’t—because it would have been a problem for us. Guaranteed.
How do I know this? Confession:
sometimes we would park my car somewhere to have time alone. Most of the time we would just talk, but
sometimes we would kiss and it was incredibly difficult to keep to our
agreed-upon guidelines. Sometimes we
didn’t.
Don’t overestimate your self-control or become too
confident.
Once Chris and I were married, we could bask in each other’s
private company as much as we wanted, with clear consciences and joyful hearts. But until you are married, don’t be alone
together. Go to a coffee shop, a
library, a park or playground, a college campus—places where you can still enjoy each other’s
company, but where you won’t be tempted to become too physically affectionate.
Strategy
#6: Train Your Will
Our desires don’t always follow reason. Massive shopping sprees, eating a gallon of
ice cream—these are just two examples of desire getting out of control. We have to train our desires, reining them in
and taming them like you would a wild horse.
Desires are good, but if they are unleashed without any control, they
will eventually hurt you.
So how do you train and control your physical desires?
Start small. If you want
to have control over your physical affection, practice physical control in other,
simpler ways. Specifically, practice
little acts of self-denial. For example,
perhaps you regularly have toast and butter with your breakfast. Try denying yourself the butter for a week. Maybe you love your morning cup of
coffee. Don’t put in your usual two
spoonfuls of sugar. If you really want to practice self-denial, take
a cold shower.
This might sound crazy to you.
But think about it: if you can have the self-control to deny yourself a
small pleasure (hot shower, extra sugar, butter), you will build up your
stamina and strength so when you are tempted with physical pleasure, your
reason—not your body—will maintain control.
With practice, you will be able to deny yourself much more alluring
physical pleasures for the greater good of your beloved. Remember?
Love is sacrifice. Let these
little acts of self-denial be your shield and armor so you’ll be strong enough
to battle against physical temptations.
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