(This is the first post in a new, weekly series about virtues and vices.)
I remember the moment very vividly, even though it’s been
almost ten years now.
It was a Saturday in mid-January and the car was stopped at
the light by the intersection of Pawling and Spring. We were driving to the mall, but my thoughts
were centered on a particular problem—a situation where I was completely undecided
what to do. The situation escapes me
now; all I can remember is that, whatever it was, I couldn’t stop fretting
about it.
My companion, my boyfriend at the time, was immune to my
nervousness and took the opportunity to share with me his personal philosophy,
what I later came to realize was the guiding principle that governed his entire
life.
“If it’s meant to be,
it’s up to me.”
At first, you might think that’s a great philosophy to live
by. Get out there, make things happen,
create your own destiny, live your life the way you want to live it! One might recall the famous words of Frank
Sinatra: “I did it my way.”
Yet, something about his slogan was jarring and met my ears
with a certain discordance, though at the time I couldn’t put my finger on it. What I learned through the course of our
relationship was that he did indeed do things his way, but frequently, that way tended not to be the virtuous way.
You see, in living by the slogan, “If it’s meant to be, it’s
up to me,” he had made himself, well…a god.
He was his own ultimate authority, the determiner of his moral code of
“right” and “wrong,” the director of his fate.
What he lacked was what many writers call the “mother of all
virtues.” Some go as far as to say that,
without this, virtue can’t exist at all.
What he lacked was humility.
An accurate understanding of self acknowledges that we are
only creatures, not the Creator. Humility,
however, doesn’t mean self-deprecation.
Humility is all about truth.
Let’s say you approach a man who is six foot, eight inches and say,
“Wow! You’re so tall!” It isn’t humility to reply, “Oh, no…I’m
really not.” Such a reply may well be false humility. A person who is humble graciously receives
compliments, recognizing the truth in them, but at the same time, he or she but
doesn’t solicit praise.
Humility is so critical because, without it, we lack the truth
to see our personal faults and shortcomings, which is a necessary prerequisite
for advancing in virtue. You can’t fix
something if you don’t even realize it is broken. Also, without humility, it’s quite hard to
defer oneself out of love to another’s need, to stoop down to help another.
Here’s a little antidote: our daughter, Mary, came running
into the room the other day repeating, “Uh-oh!
Uh-oh!” While we were unaware,
she had slipped into my husband’s office and grabbed his cell phone, which he
had left precariously just within her reach.
Now, I’m sure her fifteen-month-old self didn't think: “I’m a good
girl. I deserve to use this cell phone,
just like anyone else. I can play with
it, if I want to!” Her reaction was
quite the opposite. Instead, she immediately
realized that her father, who knows best for her, lovingly made the cell phone
off-limits for now. She promptly humbled
herself to his direction, willingly handing over her prize.
We are all children in the hands of a loving Father. He knows best for our lives and wants to lead
us to happiness and joy. But, like a little child, are we
humble enough to freely submit to His great plans? Or do we obstinately assert our own will,
confident that we know what is best, despite the fact that we are far from
being all knowing, all powerful, or all good?
We are like glasses, full of water. If we want to receive the best of wines, we
must empty our glass first. If we don’t,
there will be no room for the wine. And
if we empty our glass only partially, we will be left with diluted wine. Humility is the virtue that allows us to fully
empty our hearts of self, so God can fill them with the riches of His grace.
He who exalts himself shall be humbled and he who humbles
himself shall be exalted. In the words
of St. John the Baptist, “He must increase; I must decrease.”
I’ll always remember those words spoken to me some years
ago: “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me.”
But, since that time, I have formulated another philosophy in reply, one
that acknowledges the truth that I am just a servant to my King and, if I humbly
serve Him in this life, I have the hope that I may reign with Him in the next. So, I say:
“Lord, if it’s meant
to be, it’s up to Thee.”
(Source: Homily from Rev. Franklin McAfee, Aug. 31, 2008--for this homily and many more fantastic homilies, check out this site)