Marriage is a Crucifixion

A few years ago, I was with a couple of friends who were having a conversation.  The one was in a relationship with a man and was sharing her deep longing for him to propose and for them to finally be married.  The other woman, a charismatic Filipino married two plus years, proclaimed, “Marriage is a crucifixion!”

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A newlywed at the time, I was a bit surprised, if not a little concerned, by her declaration.  Marriage–a crucifixion?  I remember wondering to myself if things really got that bad once the honeymoon phase was over.

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Fast forward two years and now I see exactly what my wise friend meant.  To say that marriage is a crucifixion isn’t equating marriage with drudgery and punishment.  No, quite the contrary: marriage, when fully lived out as it is intended to be, is one of the most profound expressions of love.

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Marriage is all about crucifying your own personal interests, desires, ambitions…basically, your self-will.  You take all that you have and give it to your beloved.  You give your espoused your entire self out of love; you sacrifice yourself for him or her.  This goes from the menial to the extreme: from ironing his shirt to seeing him or her through a critical illness.

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That is what the marital act is all about, too: it is a permanent, total self-giving to your spouse.  When a husband and wife are both 100% giving to the other, marriage transforms into a powerful expression of love.

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The beauty of it all is that crucifixion leads to resurrection: crucifixion leads to new life.  The marital act, as a total self-giving, brings forth the new life of children. When a husband and wife put each other before their own self-interests, the marriage blossoms with joyful life.

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Crucifixion is hard sometimes, but it is necessary.  It’s hard to deny yourself and put your spouse first, particularly during those times when you must deny your pride, your hurt, your anger, your impatience.  Yet, when you do so, new life of reconciliation, forgiveness, empathy, and love will flow from your act of sacrifice.